Where Was I?

Avoiding Self-Blame

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Yep, I’ve drifted away from blogging again! Show me a butterfly or a cat and I’ll while away the hours watching them. Which of course makes me A BAD PERSON!…

Or not…

I’ve walked a spiritual path since I was 26 years old. I’ve tried to be a good person, thoughtful, considerate, there for my husband, friends, and cats in a real way. I’ve run courses, done talks and workshops, and yet every so often my energy just needs to sit on a sofa and read a novel.

When we try to be ‘good’ and then feel that we’ve let ourselves down, we can easily spiral into self-loathing and anxiety, sometimes depression. Good people wouldn’t forget their blog would they? Dedicated people work all the hours God sends on their projects don’t they?

There are so many ways you can put yourself down, so many ways you can make yourself unworthy of success, and of course a lot of that self-battering leads to mental health issues.

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I AM walking a spiritual path

In other words let’s get real. When we genuinely try our best in life we are always going to fall over the human gene, usually sooner rather than later.

I pick up on other people’s energy really strongly and really quickly, and I find it exhausting. Yes I’m supposed to be able to control that, protect my energy, deal with the slings and arrows of outraged people, and no I don’t succeed all the time. Human. Gene.

However, the fact that I don’t always achieve the highest possible standards, think floating a bit above the summit of Everest – I’m sure yours are up there somewhere too, does not make me a bad person. At least I’m a person who sincerely tries to be authentic and be of use in this world.

Let’s all relax a bit!

If you understand what I’m writing here, and realise that you too punish yourself for every single thing you do that you feel you shouldn’t do, why not join me in stopping the self-bashing and start accepting your humanity.

If it worries you that you’re not perfect that alone makes you a good person, but you’re no use to person or beast or beast if you don’t take time out to be yourself without fear or favour. We only keep going if we listen to our minds and bodies and take notice of their needs.

And good people need to keep going!

To your happiness


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Folks Eh!

It may surprise you to know that even the people who genuinely love you may not be that helpful in your recovery. Partly because if you’ve been this way for a long time they won’t be able to see you any other way.

You may have tried to recover before and slipped back, so in their minds you may be making yet another attempt and their uppermost feeling will be fear that you’ll ‘fail’ again and be hurt again.

This book explains some of the issues you may face with the people around you very well. I certainly found it a great help. Although she aimed it at women I would recommend it to anyone, and not just for intimate relationships.

Let’s Talk Failure

If you’ve been trying to get better and it hasn’t worked then again, there are several possible reasons.

  • You don’t believe you can get better because you’ve felt awful for so long.
  • You didn’t isolate yourself from the things that are dragging you down.
  • You were doing well and something happened that set you back.
  • Perhaps other people kept telling you that you were still a nervous wreck.

What you’re not is a failure!

When I was at my worst I couldn’t see a way out. But one day I just hit rock bottom and knew that the only way was up, because I loved this world and loved my cats and still believed that life should be fun.

Have you hit the point yet that you’re fed up with feeling this way and will not put up with it anymore. It’s very helpful if you do, but a quieter determination will work just as well. You do need to find a determination to recover though, and that requires an absolute belief that you can and will recover.

Are you wondering if that’s even possible?

A Plethora of Self-Help

There are thousands of self-help books, websites, pages on social media, magazine articles, for a reason. Virtually ever single author of those works has been where you are, got themselves out of it with help, and then put their experiences down on paper just for you. A person they will never meet and yet you mean something to them. You mean that someone, somewhere, is as unhappy as they were and they can’t bear that thought.

Case in Point – and available on Amazon

This is my book written for exactly that reason. Sharing ideas as to how I recovered rather than the gory details of years of misery.

I also mentor people to change the way they think because as my hero Marcus Aurelius said “Your life is what your thoughts make it”. Fact. And the fantastic news is that it’s all in your control! Regardless of what you think or how you feel, you are the only power in your life.

I work on not just changing your thoughts but distracting them onto better paths, I throw in some of my spiritual work too because a) it was part of my solution, and b) when you discover you can do something quite unique that you never thought you could do…everything changes!

Going Back to the Folks

  • You cannot have anyone around you who doesn’t believe you can get better.
  • The people around you must be 100% invested in your recovery.
  • Whether at home, work, with family, friends, if anyone undermines you as a person they need to be put to one side for at least a few months, and gone if they refuse to change.

You’ll struggle to recover if you don’t take those steps.

Don’t Do as I Say

I walked away from my family and all but 5 friends, two of which were in Australia. I was alone with a man I barely knew (we’re still together but it wasn’t an easy start for either of us), and an eradicated social life. My now husband worked very long hours from the word go and travelled with business, so when I say alone, I mean alone. Were it not for my cats…well let’s not go there.

Suffice it to say – it was the best thing that ever happened to me. If I did return to my family I often felt a pull to be as I was before, and sensed that people were a) looking for that person, and b) uncomfortable with the new one.

It was hard to put my continued recovery first, but that recovery has helped a lot of people since and removed me from a great deal of toxicity in my family that happened later.

Put yourself first, no one else will, and the people who love you and are on your side will thank you.

To your happiness

Deb xx

Mental Potential

“In the infinity of life where I am,
all is perfect, whole, and complete.” Louise Hay

In order to escape from anxiety you need to be ready and willing to change your mind. You may have felt ready and willing for some time, and yet nothing has happened.

There are two main reasons for this, either you weren’t ready or you didn’t have the right help. When it comes to help, no one person, thought, idea, is sufficient to help a unique individual. You need to rebuild your mind your way.


The question is more ‘where do I start?’ You may be luckier than me, especially in these times of internet searches, inspiration in abundance on social media, and being able to link with more people and more ideas. If you’re taking advantage of all that of course.

The Inspiration Trap

The problem with inspiration is that we read something amazing, note that it is amazing, tell everyone we’ve read something amazing that really reached us, and share, share, share. What we don’t do is put that inspiration into practice.

Inspiration should inspire action!

An Easy Starting Point

Start by filling your mind with new information. Read the type of books you haven’t read before. Find out who the great thinkers are, get into their work, join the pages on social media BUT, and that’s a big but for a reason, be discerning on those pages.

One of the most positive, inspirational people I know who is entirely focused on good mental and physical health, has a page on Facebook where people are constantly asking for healing for themselves and others. Whilst it’s understandable to turn to him, by the same token they’d be better served gifting a copy of his books, meditations, and showing people his video’s on YouTube. That would be positive action.

There are people who do ask the other members what they can suggest to help someone with…whatever…and that is a positive question. But for the most part you won’t start your recovery from anxiety by immersing yourself in the worries of others and being constantly reminded of sadness and unhappiness.

Ensure that your new information is positive, life-affirming, and based on the phenomenal power of the human mind and body. You really are an incredible work of art.

(Not) Self-centred

Avoiding unpleasantness probably sounds a bit self-centred, but frankly you have to be in order to recover.

Nowadays I am able to help a very dear friend through her horrible treatment for an illness. But I’m able to detach myself, know that’s it’s her problem, and focus fully on letting her guide me into what she needs. Years ago I would have done what I’m doing now, but I would have struggled terribly and paid for it afterwards. I just wasn’t well enough to do that sort of thing.

Back to the New Info

To recap:

  • Find new, life affirming, inspiring information.
  • Don’t get caught in the trap of collecting good sayings.
  • Realise that you have to work with this information to make it work for you.
  • Don’t forget you’re unique, so put the new thinking, or many new thinkings, together in a way that works for YOU.

It doesn’t matter how I got better, it only matters how you will. Take every piece of information you find, sift it, and turn it into a jigsaw puzzle to reset your mind and restart your life.

To your happiness


Spirit and Science

Alt. Rainbow

When I launch into the subject of my spiritual beliefs and past experiences, and how these beliefs saved my sanity, it’s worth noting that for me this is Practical Spirituality for Everyday Living. Simple, straightforward, realistic, and useful in the real world.


The science part was something that came as a surprise to me, I first really encountered it in 2019 at a conference in London. They were talking about the latest findings in quantum physics and other areas of science, such as medicine, and I could make so many links between my experience and their words. Let me offer an interesting example.

The Chakra Energy Centres

Most people think of the Chakras as New Age (nonsense in the eyes of some). The idea that there are 7 important energy centres in the human body starting in the lap and ending at the top of your head that need looking after.

Modern science has proved that all the major glands and organs that control the human body are located on those 7 spots on the body. So the ancients knew 10,000 years ago that those areas were key to the health of a human. Of course those weird ancients were actually the scientists of their day, and pretty damned good at it into the bargain. Think how long it’s taken modern humans to find out why.

Atoms and Stars

Another interesting thing was that whilst I knew that everything is made of atoms, I did not know that we ourselves come from the building blocks of the universe so elements of the ancient stars are part of our make up. I hadn’t made the connection that we are atoms, you may have.

The other connection I hadn’t made was that if everything, literally everything, is made of atoms, then everything is also connected in a real way. Basically the universe is one gigantic (mega-gantic?) energy field, and we are a component of that. Therefore the transfer of energy between one human and another, humans and animals, humans and plants, humans and the stars, makes perfect sense.

Suddenly psychic work and the ability to feel what other people are feeling and ‘read it’ made perfect sense, we’re like a jigsaw puzzle, we get together, we connect. And of course everyone is psychic. Yes I know it’s part of the woo-woo field and something that only weirdo’s pretend to be able to do, but I’ll give you two words to counter that: mother’s intuition.

I’ve heard of many mothers saying one of their children were ill, doctors saying no, and mum turning out to be right. In my youths a doctor would never ignore a worried mother. Perhaps that’s still true.

Men are also intuitive (they have to be they’re humans) but most people don’t realise that whilst there is a lot of business skill in making the right decision at the right moment, most people who do really well rely a great deal on their gut and intuition. They just, quite rightly, back that up with a few solid facts.

The New Normal

This is what I want to introduce you to, a way of being and living that is entirely normal, well within human capabilities, but has been lost in the quest for the physical and money.

I want to help you see that you are a technological marvel that no scientist can duplicate, you are intuitive, you can access a wealth of knowledge that is just ‘there’ when you need it if you know how to look. Your gut is reliable, your heart is the power in your body, your mind is the best processor known to man. You are infinitely flexible, infinitely knowledgeable, with so much lives experience, and capable of doing a great deal to help your mind and body.

Think about it, after a couple of centuries of modern study scientists still haven’t worked humans and the human body out completely, they’re still making discoveries!

Performing an Extraction

The way I think removed me from the normal attitudes towards life and being alive. Before you panic, it moved me to a place of kindness, tolerance, understanding, compassion, empathy, happiness, joy, magic, miracles, and a degree of inner strength that will never need to be used against others. It supports me.

I hope I will be able to weave the kind of magic that will life you out of the norm and give you easier, less demanding ways, to make a full recovery and move forward in life.

To your happiness


Easy Does It

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As I said when I started the new route through this blog, rather than focusing on the symptoms and struggles all the time, my escape began when I discovered that a friend of mine thought completely differently to me.

I hadn’t know then, at age 26, that I was woefully short on knowledge, ideas, and inspiration. Which was a bad thing.

Seriously Bad!

The reason I was short on those ideas was that I’d been raised in one way to believe in one thing. I did step outside the family norm by taking myself off to church alone when I was 7, and thoroughly enjoying the experience until I was 14, when the wheels came off for me.

My family were strong-minded people who knew what they believed in and that it was the only way of life. They couldn’t see why I would want to go to church, although they fully supported it, but my first take away for you in this blog is – it was somewhere I found peace.

I used to love it when the vicar shut up (sorry vicar) and we got down on our knees to pray. From the first moment I could send my mind up and find a loving, strong, supportive presence. I still call it God but why not? No one knows quite what that energy consists of and it’s an easy name to spell. God is love. That will do me.

So, try to find something that calms your mind.

Start Simple

If you launch into Yoga whilst suffering from anxiety you’ll probably start worrying about the size of your butt in Yoga pants, your complete lack of flexibility, and whether you can get there in time after work.

If you try meditation you’ll probably find that your mind won’t shut up, and even though you’re supposed to ignore the thoughts and let them float away, they’re entirely distracting.

Personally I find having a massage stressful. I don’t like being half naked in an unfamiliar setting, if the person massaging me is stressed I will pick it up, and if I don’t like the setting I’ll fret over it.

The reason prayer made so much sense to me was that it was easy for me.

Don’t Heal All At Once

You won’t anyway, but if you try to get completely better fast you may land up disappointed. Clinical depression and anxiety are part of your body rather than your mind, so you need to be realistic about that and manage it within the parameters of your illness at first.

Non-clinical anxiety and depression always has a root, as I said yesterday, but also you’re highly trained into having those feelings and that training will take time to break.

So don’t set yourself the huge task of recovering instantly and feeling wonderful all the time. You’re just giving yourself something to get upset about.

The wonderful thing about feeling horrible is that the smallest step forward is a wonderful experience. Do keep a journal and note all the good things, they’re very handy to remind you how far you’ve come. And you do need to track that. Don’t lose a positive in the mists of memory, or have it wiped out by a bad day or event. If you can say, or remind yourself, that yesterday you felt wonderful, it’s a huge boost.

Build on those good days, moments, events, experiences. They are the building blocks of your future.

Simple Ideas

  • Get out in the fresh air, don’t pressure yourself to walk or run, just go out, the garden will be fine.
  • Sit in the sunlight for at least 10 minutes every day and get those healthy vitamins into your body.
  • Play music you love in the background as much as you can.
  • Try to have a new experience each week. Visit somewhere you’ve never been. See a movie. Go to a show. Meet with friends. Go to a football match.
  • Take a little time for yourself. Have a hair cut. Refresh your look. Put a bit of perfume on. Just stop throwing on any old thing to go out. This applies to all genders. Showing a little respect for yourself helps you to feel more important.
  • Read a book. Don’t start with a major self-help tome, just something you want to read.

Don’t Add Pressure

When you’re struggling with your mind, as you well know, everything feels too much, so attempting to feel better by doing lots normally results in failure.

You probably thought when I started this mentioning that I needed more knowledge and information, I was going to launch into loads of self-help advice, recommend books, suggest inspirers and courses. Which I will do in the future, but at first you need to have small wins, positive pigeon steps, and build yourself up to success.

This doesn’t mean that the success will take forever and ever and ever, far from it. It’s like a snowball, get it started and it gathers more snow as it rolls downhill. At the moment you’re a warrior looking for solutions, who has climbed the mountain of struggle and is now seeking answers to help you move forward. It’s all downhill from here in the best possible way.

To your happiness


Keep the Faith

Anxiety and depression can become a default setting in your own mind and that of others.

The problem is that anxious, depressed people nearly always blame themselves for their feelings immediately, rather than stopping to think about what actually has happened.

Take a Step Back

When you feel your anxiety or depression kick in, stop and ask yourself what’s been happening. If necessary sit and make a list of everything you’ve found difficult in recent times, I suggest at least a fortnight before you started to feel that you were slipping again.

The odd (and wonderful) thing about anxious and depressed people is that they’re often extremely brave and strong people without realising it. They’ve actually put up with a heck of a lot for an incredibly long time, before they start to crack.

So before you dismiss yourself as being (insert self-punishing terms here), stop and think about what has happened.

And Don’t Judge Yourself

Different things affect different people and this is neither a sin or a crime, nor does it define you. If you can’t cope with something do your best to eradicate it from your life.

For example, I can’t bear gossip and nastiness, so if I meet people who are that way, may feel that they have the right to say what they think no matter the damage they do, I will walk away.

I will walk away from any situation that upsets me, and if you want to yell weakling, scaredy cat, or a string of epithets including the word useless in my wake, go right ahead. I do not care as long as you’re behind me.

You should feel that way too. But of course if you do people will often say then that you’re too strong, cold, scared of confrontation, and so on. Because people will always find an insult to explain behaviour that doesn’t suit their world view.

One example, when I was weak someone tried to help me become stronger, when I was and stood up to them on a point they immediately said I was too strong. So I shouldn’t have been weak and I also shouldn’t have disagreed. See how it works?

It’s not your fault if you can’t take something, but it is up to you not to put yourself in that position. No one else can make you stay, and no one can stop you from leaving.

Personal Power

Is not about anyone else. It’s not about being strong. It’s not about speaking your mind and other people can jolly well put up with it. It’s none of those things.

Personal power is quiet, self-protective, and based on valuing yourself as a human being. Remembering that the default setting of human beings is not to be right all the time, not to be perfect, and not to get everything right.

So from today start valuing yourself as a human who is entitled to be fallible, stop putting everything you feel down to your anxiety and depression, and start working out what you can and can’t deal with – without judgement.

You’ll probably conclude in years to come that you put up with far too much bad behaviour that was neatly packaged up in your anxiety and depression, behaviour that you personally couldn’t exhibit.

And THAT is the Key!

If you couldn’t do to others what they’re doing to you, there is a high probability that you’re not the problem in the room, and your anxiety and/or depression is there for a good reason.

To your happiness

Deb xx

No Spiritual Blame

When you connect with the spirit world you discover a world of love and tolerance that doesn’t waste time with blame. They only want you to feel happy, live joyfully, achieve your dreams, and heal yourself so that these things are possible.

It might sound woo-woo but it does make sense, often this world is too critical, too exacting, doesn’t make room for individual experiences, and has far too many rules.

Putting Yourself Back Together

Will not happen by ripping yourself apart. If you are, or become, the person who judges yourself and finds yourself wanting you are not going to heal. You’ll just be continuing the work of the past, and that tends to happen because as a race we’re just too used to being told we’re wrong, etc.

To make this work you need to thank your younger self for getting you this far, and then take control of the reins. We call all look back and see where we could have done better, but no one moves forward safely and happily looking backwards. Imagine walking backwards in life, you’d only see the cliff edge as you passed it on the way down.

The Past No Longer Exists

This is truth. There is nowhere you can go to find it. You can visit people and places and revive old memories, but if someone said to you right now ‘put your finger on the past’ there is nowhere you could put that finger. The past isn’t present.

Except in Your Head

This is the true power you have. You have the choice to think about the past and the damage, or to decide that you know what mistakes you made, who did what, what things worked for you and what didn’t, and to move forward with the lessons but not constantly rebuild the memories.

Yep you rebuild them. We only remember approximately 25% of the past accurately, the rest we recreate by drawing logical conclusions from one event to another. That’s why when people tell stories they change a little every time, they’re not embroidering they’re recreating what they can’t recall.

You can clearly see that a) if you’ve forgotten 75% of what happened there’s not a lot of point in thinking about it, and b) if you want to get well there’s no point in rubbing salt in the wound all the time.

Find Great Thinkers

So your mind needs retraining in order to reprogramme your cells to send back nice emotional feelings as often as possible. Every single major inspirer I know from my mentor to many, many, famous authors and speakers, have their own inspirers. They’ve all been changed by connecting with someone whose ideas changed the way they looked at, understood, and felt about life.

If you read then there is a wealth of information out there. If you don’t like reading you have audio books, YouTube videos, and any number of websites you can visit. You have fan pages on social media where you can engage not just with these people and their ideas, but with their followers, thus finding like-minded people who also want to feel good.

Most Importantly…

You’ll be changing tribes to one where people want to use their minds well, take care of their emotions, train their thoughts to the best outcome, and live a positive, active, happy life of achievement of their own personal dreams.

People who march to the sound of their own drum, and smile happily at those who disagree whilst they keep marching!

Tomorrow I’ll just post a list of people who have helped me.

To your happiness

Deb xx

Into the Light

Sun up

So, the move from believing that I was purely human and had only existed for 26 years in all, to realising that the idea that I was soul in a human body felt right, was the equivalent of the sun coming up on a brand new day. It illuminated everything and freed me from so much garbage I’d been carrying around with me.

3/10 Could Do Better

As you can imagine, being ‘the family nervous wreck’ for over 10 years, added to bullying at school, living with a husband I should never have married, in his grandparents house with all their furniture, in a job that I hated with colleagues that bullied me and subjected me to what we now call sexual harassment – friends of my father’s that is, I was not in a good place. I was literally a laughing stock. I felt like I lived in a world where my life mark was 3/10 could do better.

I obviously don’t know your story, but if you are struggling are the people around you helping or do they have both hands on your head shoving you down, so to speak? It’s important to think about this because people suffering from mental health problems require support, encouragement, and help, they are never (let me make that clearer NEVER) helped by being condemned, laughed at, and called names.

People thought I should be happy, and yet above there is a short excerpt from an A4 list two columns wide, of the things that were wrong in my life. That list alone should have made those around me realise that all would not be well. Instead they got a lot of laughs out of it and I don’t recall much help until I started seeing my mentor on a regular basis.

Something to Consider

When people aren’t confident in themselves having someone around them who is a mess often makes them feel better about who they are. “At least I’m better than the nervous wreck so I can’t be that bad”. When you recover it’s rather startling how screwed up these people are.

So In Order to Recover

You will need to examine the people around you and your relationships with them. I think you’ll agree that people, money, health, and work tend to be the regular everyday stresses in life. The effect of the people you have around you will be key to your recovery.

But I Have to Be Nice

Spiritually you don’t have to be nice, nor do you have to hurt others. When you connect with your soul and understand how magnificent it is – it’s the still untainted part of you – then you will start to value yourself a little more and that feeling will grow and develop over time.

The beauty of taking a spiritual approach though is that you can’t really call yourself a spiritual thinker healing in a spiritual way if you feel that you want to do harm. Of course you will feel angry with some people, current situations, and past events, and it’s important to acknowledge that as real and justified, but in embracing a spiritual path you will find yourself a good way out of the situations that leaves behind healing not carnage.

You’re struggling as it is, you don’t want to deal with arguments, fights, atmospheres, and lectures as to why you’re the problem not them, you don’t have the energy. So, give some thought to the ideas here, work out who isn’t supporting you in a helpful way, work out who’s making things worse, consider the situations you’re in and which don’t feel right to you by:

  • Making a list
  • Don’t be afraid of the size and content of the list it’s just information
  • Number the list from most to least important
  • Start with the least important thing and change it
  • Then the next least important
  • By the time you get to the top of the list you’ll be an established change maker


No Spiritual Blame.

Until then,

To your happiness

Deb xx

Escape Hatch

Photo by Vladislav Murashko on Pexels.com

The start of my escaping my anxiety came in a most unusual way. I’d been fighting it so hard but quite frankly fighting anxiety doesn’t work, all it does is lock you in a battle with yourself. One part of you feeling lousy, the other part not wanting to feel lousy, one feeling weak and vulnerable, and the other annoyed because they don’t want to be weak and vulnerable. A never-ending cycle of mutually agreed destruction.

I asked a friend for help and that friend turned out to be a spiritual thinker whose advice was perfect for my situation. It may be helpful with yours…

What if You Were 10,000 Years Old?

I’d never before considered myself to be a soul first, human second. I hadn’t given any thought to what animated me, or whether I was the result of an accidental collision between sperm and egg, or much more. The only thing I can tell you is that in all my life, and for no particular reason, I’d felt the power of a higher presence around me. In fact I took myself off to church alone when I was 7, and went every single Sunday barring holidays until I was 14. Why I walked away isn’t relevant, but it was right, and it changed nothing between me and God. I still call that energy God because it’s a 3 letter word that I can spell easily.

When I approached my friend for help he opened with “What if you were 10,000 years old and had many lifetimes? What if you’d brought the wisdom of those lifetimes with you and could access them in the here and now? What if you’d been your mother’s father and your father’s mother in a previous lifetime? Would you have to believe everything other people said about you, or could you go within, access your full potential, and decide for yourself?

I can’t even tell you why that made complete sense in my heart, but it did. I suddenly new without doubt that I wasn’t just a screwed up 26-year-old woman, there was something else. How does that idea feel to you if you haven’t already explored it? And if you have, is it an idea that you’re living and utilising, or is it just something you know? The difference between knowing intellectually and knowing in your heart is huge, and life-changing.

If You Are More Than You Know…then…?

So if that feels right to you and you could feel that wisdom inside, don’t you think you’d have met with and overcome many challenges in those lifetimes? I’ve had some past life regressions through hypnosis and believe me I’ve bossed a few serious challenges in my time?

I also teach psychic and mediumship development, as well as accessing your soul in the real world and living your full potential. I’ve met people who’ve struggled at first to free their minds and try the exercises, but I’ve never, and I mean never, seen anyone fail. Everyone has that lightbulb moment where the light comes on behind their eyes and their face de-ages by about 10 years. A moment when they realise that they know more than they know and are capable of things they didn’t even know existed.

If you can embrace this idea it gives you one key building block to saving your sanity: freedom from who you and others perceive you are. It’s like being in a dark room and someone opens the door, and gone is the grotty area you lived in, in it’s place is light, warmth, beauty, and a whole new world.

Hands on Heart

No matter how it sounds to you, the reader, this is very real for me. It’s also very practical. Living a life spiritually connected to your own soul makes everyday decisions easier and clearer. The more you explore and learn the easier it gets and you just appreciate everything more.

How do you make this connection though? You sit with your hands on your heart and feel.

Dismiss the Mind

It’s a fantastic object but in order for your mind to feel better, less cluttered, clearer, and more useful you really need to help it by:

  • Retraining it to retrain your cellular emotional programming
  • Finding it better things to think about
  • And giving it periods of rest and calm exactly as you would your body

Before you even begin to think about meditation if it isn’t your bag, learn to spend a few moments on waking and going to sleep with your hands on your heart and just feel. You’ll probably be surprised when you do make the connection that the feeling won’t be all the stress and grot you’re going through…it will be the purest joy.

The heart is the seat of the soul in energetic terms. We often say “I know in my heart…”, or “my heart tells me…”, if a child says “where are you?” a very common gesture is to put a hand on the heart and say “I’m right here”.

You are right there, your heart does know, and it does communicate with your brain and tell it things.

Give it a go, see how it feels for you, and let me know if you have any good results from it.

To your happiness

Deb xx


Are they your burdens?

Have you ever considered whether the mental and emotional problems you’re struggling with are actually yours?

Many disciplines recognise the power of the up-line in a family to influence the incoming children, in the spiritual field we tend to call it the ancestral line, and it is possible to become an ancestral line breaker.

My Upline

Anxiety and hurt came down both sides of my family. My grandmother felt like the less loved child, my mother felt the same way, and I had it confirmed that it certainly appeared that I was far less loved than my brother. I realise now that was an over-simplification.

My maternal grandparents lost two boys in the 1930’s, they must have been late losses for them to know in those days. In 1938 they finally had a boy who lived. In 1942 he died for want of one injection of penicillin. During the war all the available drugs went to the soldiers at the front, and there was a huge hidden cost of the war in the unnecessary deaths of the general public. My little uncle was one of them.

This led to a twisted attitude towards boys in my branch of the family. I was an only child with 6 adoring adults until I was 6, grandad died, 6 became 5, my brother was born, 5 became 0. As an adult I can well understand, especially as he had asthma, that they were all petrified he would die, but as a child I couldn’t understand not just being pushed into second place, but virtually pushed out.

I don’t want to go any further into the grot, but that point about what you can understand as an adult but not a child is often extremely important.

It can be very useful in the ordinary run of things (not with abuse etc.) to look back at your life as an adult and consider what your elders went through. Sometimes it really helps you to release hurt.

My father was adopted, something he discovered when he was 35, a year before my maternal grandfather died (who was like a father to him), which was three months before his adopted mother died. Imagine those three blows coming so close together. In Dad’s day and age you weren’t told you were adopted, and it was often because the baby had been illegitimate and the whole point of adoption was for an innocent child not to be tainted by that fact. Seems very weird now doesn’t it.

My father married and had a son. Unfortunately he and his first wife couldn’t make it work, I don’t know why. She remarried and again, for the look of the thing, he was instructed by a court that it would be better for the child if he were believed to be the son of her husband. Dad fought back but in the end realised he was doing the boy no good. That hurt him until the day he died. My half brother never looked him up, he did other members of the family but not dad. Imagine that!

Can you see now why boys became an unnaturally important part of our family life? And also where the depression and anxiety that I inherited came from? Because I was able to understand this as an adult, I have been able to put it to one side and view them with compassion. That was four shockingly sad lives right there. Bearing in mind I was never, in any way, subject to abuse.


Where I was similar to my father was in being prone to anxiety. Was that because I was often told that I was like him and would have loved his approval? I honestly don’t know. What I do know was that from the age of 6 my life was all wrong, it wasn’t a place that I could have thrived, within the family or during my first marriage. I had real problems.

This is another important point: Is your anxiety and illness or do you have real problems? Sometimes we’re treated as ill, or not quite sane, when in fact we have excellent reasons for the way we feel.

What I did avoid, thanks to my grandmother, was the avoidance of taking on all my father’s perceived medical issues, all our family medical issues, and bringing them down into my body. I do not believe that anything that runs in my family can’t run past me and keep going. But I feel so much for friends and clients who come from sick families and gradually get pulled into that idea. Remember…

Being ‘just like…’ has to be a good thing, and you can cherry pick!

Pause for Thought

Rather than make this a long blog, or go into my even longer story, why not have a rummage around your ancestry, your memories, and see how affected you are by them. They can actually be the easiest thing to deal with (excluding abuse of course).

You can still love your mum whilst deciding that you choose to be nothing like her, and worship your dad whilst doing the same. One thing I’m certain of is that any loving parent who has suffered would not want you to do the same. Mine don’t, okay they’re in the spirit world but we’re still in good contact and I really appreciate their presence in my life.


After a quick dip into my weirdness, more on that later and no doubt that blog will be called ‘Unexpected!!!’, the takeaways here are:

  • Reflect on the ancestral line
  • Think about what they went through
  • If it’s illness we have so much information nowadays that you can access to maybe avoid
  • Decide what you’ll keep and what you will eradicate from your personality (there was so much good in my nan and parents I can’t tell you, nan is literally my saving grace)
  • But above all, don’t live anything that doesn’t make you feel good inside.

To your happiness

Deb xx